The problem was I didn't write those experiences down, and I found it easy to get out of the habit to "remember" in my prayers. In January 2013, I had a resurgence of desire to do as Elders Eyring and Bednar had counselled, when I read a book called Happier, by Tal Ben-Shahar. As I read the book, I once again remembered their council, and coupled with the books admonitions, I started a journal and wrote 3-5 things each day that I was happy about. Looking back over the pages brings back some nice memories, and I'm happy to remember them. The journal doesn't however, answer the 2 questions Elder Eyring asked. I wrote regularly, nearly daily from January through the beginning of March, sporadically through May, and then for some reason I forgot to keep it going.
Maybe I was missing something, something deeper than just writing, and remembering to be grateful...
In pondering this talk this week, I thought, "I just simply don't think to ask Heavenly Father to show me his hand in my life, and I don't remember to take time to look for his hand on my own." I do usually review my day in my prayers, and I thank God for my blessings of the day. I appreciate his influence when it's been very obvious, but it takes time to think about the subtle occurrences when his hand is there. I'm usually asleep before that can happen.
So my first thought to help me in this desire to remember was, "how can I just remember to think about the questions, and how can I help my class want to think about them?" I decided a picture on my night stand might be useful. I'm not one to make fancy handouts for classes, but I decided this might be an worthwhile exception. So I asked Rochelle to design something for me using her graphic design talent. She responded very quickly, and I had it printed at Walgreens. How easy was that?!
That's her design at the top of this blog post-Thanks Rochelle!
The most important point I began pondering was, how did I personally see his hand in my life that day? I think I tend to get bogged down looking for a "tender mercy", or something that's really profound, and apparent. I tend to notice those things easily, and they do happen to me, but I wouldn't say it's an everyday occurrence. In looking back on that journal, out of many line entries I saw only a handful of times where I'd say a tender mercy was noted--like when I hesitated in going through a green light, and then a car went speeding through a red light and I slammed on my breaks and missed hitting him, and most of all I wasn't hit! Oh, and there's the time my sister Helen answered the phone at THE EXACT moment I needed her to guide me through Portland, avoiding some terrible traffic, with an alternate route to the airport to pick up Cara. That's what I call "tender mercies" for sure. Those things are easy to spot, and are so important to acknowledge, but I don't think Elder Eyring was talking about those things only.
Last night, before I prayed I thought about my day. I reviewed it and realized my great blessings. I really liked my day, I went on a walk with Quin/Dad, it was so beautiful. I enjoyed my scripture study, I enjoyed my granddaughter Lacey, also Marissa and Richard when they came over. It was all so pleasant, and yet I asked "How did the Lord manifest his hand in my day? Did he have a message that was just for me?" I didn't feel I had the answer--though I felt such gratitude. Later when I prayed, I asked the question, "Heavenly Father how did you manifest your hand in my life today" Then I began reviewing my day again. This time my mind was more open and clear. I believe, as Elder Eyring said, the Holy Ghost showed me specifically the answer to my question.
My thoughts went something like this: "remember when you were reading the scriptures, and you felt a tenderness in your heart for the prophet Isaiah's writings? Remember how you told Quin how your attitude about Isaiah had changed over the years, and how you had come to love his writings so much? That tender feeling in your heart was my hand in your life. Remember how at dinner, you and Quin were talking about your day, and how close you felt to each other? That understanding and closeness was my hand. Lastly, and this one I wouldn't have know had I not been praying--to the question Did I see His hand in my life or the lives of my children? " came this thought: remember when Marissa sent you a text saying how much she appreciated you taking care of Lacey, rubbing her feet and talking to her about her class when they came over? That was my hand helping you to help her."
What I did was just a mother thing, I didn't think too much about it at the time, but the spirit helped me to know that after a hard week with a sick toddler, it meant much more to Marissa. That made me feel an even deeper gratitude than I had felt when I received the text. After I closed my prayer, I felt such a feeling of peace and joy because I understood God's influence in my life in these seemingly common place events of the day. Knowing that His influence is in the small things has deep significance to me. It makes me think the journal Elder Eyring spoke of would hold a much stronger hold on me and my posterity than just the recited events of the day that I'm grateful for.
I don't know if I can sustain a habit of journalling like Elder Eyring did. I know I'd like to. I understand that we show God that we value his inspiration when we write it down, because it will help us remember Him time and time again that way. I'd like to journal, but more than that, I know I want to feel things deeper. I want my prayers to be more communicative--not just a recitation of the days good events, or acknowledgements of my sins and short comings, and asking for blessings. I know it's important to be grateful and to repent daily, but I understand now that these questions are tools to help us feel these things deeper, and communicate on a deeper level. It's in the asking of the right questions, and then opening up enough to be shown the answers that we come to understand the evidence of God's hand in our lives.
"Did God send a message that was just for me?
Did I see His hand in my life or the lives of my children? "
I hope my bedside picture helps me remember.
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Here's an inspiring video of the highlights of Elder Eyring's talk,
https://www.lds.org/youth/learn/ss/godhead/hand?lang=eng#video=o-remember-remember
and another video of the highlights of Elder Bednar's talk, both referenced above.
https://www.lds.org/youth/learn/ss/godhead/hand?lang=eng#video=the-tender-mercies-of-the-lord
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