I'm sorry if these thoughts are not very concise. They have been rambling in my head, so that's kind of how they came out here...
For the past 5 months or so, I have been thinking about how different the world has become since I was a child, and how frightening it is that children are exposed to so much evil and filth. I have been harboring secret desires (unrealistic though they may be) to keep Gabe locked up in my house forever and to never let anything bad ever happen to him. I know that sounds crazy and maybe bad, but let me explain. When I look at Gabriel, I see an angel- a pure, innocent trusting child, and it literally pains me to imagine not only bad things happening to him, but him seeing or learning bad things from others. Some of the very young children I see at work have been through horrible things, and sometimes have bad behavior. Some of the children in my Primary class come from great homes with kind and loving parents, and sometimes they have bad behavior too. My point is that I know Gabe will never learn horrible and hateful things from his parents, but possibly from others that he comes into contact with. It is difficult for me to think of someone so pure being "polluted" in a way. This is why I have wished I could just keep him away from other people forever.
So I was thinking about this again the other night, and I realized (duh!) that if I ever tried to do that, I would be sheltering Gabe, and it probably wouldn't be to his benefit, but would actually hurt him. But I started thinking more about it, and my mind wandered to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. They were innocent, and the Garden of Eden was a haven. I wondered if Heavenly Father is ever sad to send people to Earth when he knows what terrible things they might experience or learn.
But I also remembered how Adam and Eve could not progress in the Garden of Eden, and how their choice to partake of the Fruit allowed them not only to be able to distinguish good from evil, but to experience many things, and exercise their agency and learn to become better, so they could return to Heavenly Father. So I would not be doing Gabe a favor by trying to keep him "pure". He has to learn that everything has its opposite- good and evil, etc. And he has to learn how to continue to be good in spite of bad things he may see, hear, or experience, no matter how painful it might be for me or him. And that is what we all have to do- I am on this earth not to try to hide from the things that are on it, but to learn from them and become more like Christ. (We are in the world, but not of it.)
I still think that children should be sheltered- to a degree. There are burdens that I don't think children should have to carry. (And remember that story about the lady taking her kids over to the "chicken pox house" but they ended up having small pox?) But I understand that I have to let Gabe experience the world, and I have to teach him how to deal with the "real world" and stay true and faithful.
Anyway, I had a bunch more thoughts on this, but they are still a little scattered, and perhaps even less organized than what I just wrote!
Does anyone have any other thoughts on this? Mom, Dad, I would be interested to hear your perspective and if you ever had thoughts like this and how you helped your kids etc. etc. etc.
3 comments:
You've already heard my thoughts on this. I think it will be hard to let him go, but it wouldn't be in your character to keep him sheltered. So you do what you can to help him be spiritually healthy, and you send him out and let him grow and learn.
So I remember those same feelings like they were yesterday. If you want to see a protective parent you should review the heavenly footage of me doting over you.
It takes a while to learn how much freedom to give a child. You should know, most of my trial and ERROR was on you. You said that you have no fear of Gabriel's parents having a negative influence, but I say that should be your primary concern. Most of my heart ache over my children come from my own blunders and parental sins. I am constantly trying to overcome weaknesses that seem to just spill out of me at home. I guess that's why kids are so good for us - they help us to see more of the problem areas of our natures and if we strive to improve we become more sanctified in the process.
Consider Mormon. I firmly believe that he had wonderful parents. He must have. But they didn't shelter him. He saw all the sin and debauchery around him. The scriptures say that at the age of 15 he was visited of the Lord tasted and knew of His goodness. If he tasted and knew, then he must have gone through the repentance process, which means he was influence by the evil around him. Because he tasted the fruits of the atonement he learned to love the Lord. And look at who he became. How he remained so strong with out a support structure. How he raised a family that was also righteous (as evidenced my Moroni, who we should consider as well). The longer I live the more I am grateful for the great plan of redemption. Our failures in life are so integral to our salvation.
It's taken awhile, but I would like to comment about sheltering children from evil. I have often wished I could live on an island, and only our family and extended family could live on it! And I wished it for all the same reasons you have mentioned.
I believe that our home really is an island. We put out to sail every day, and we go and explore the world, and we fight sea monsters, and pirates and land ogres, and we also see new species of trees, and vegetation that don't grow on our island. We trade with merchants and gypsies and notice butterflies and fairies, and all sorts of wonderful things too. At the end of the day, we go back to our island, and we feel safe and secure and comfortable. The thing is, we didn't send our kids off the island by themselves till they were old enough to navigate alone, and then it was just for little burst of time. We made sure they were well equipped, and trained to face their adversaries, or their friends. In real terms I'm saying, we had FHE, and we had "mommy" school at home, we had family scripture study, and evening meals together. Mommy was always around watching, teaching, training and loving. We felt that until age 6, mommy had to be the most influential part of our children's day. When the kids were school age, we tried to be aware of what was happening, and to have good communication about what was going on there. Daddy was important too, in teaching, training and loving. He always showed interest, and support in what you were doing.
The important point I'm making is this: "train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it". We believe that the early, predominantly mother and father nurturing in the first years, and then continued nurturing there after is the key. No babysitting with movies, or media. No full time pre-school. Keep mommy with the children during the day. As the children are naturally exposed to the monsters and pirates of the world, be aware. Talk about it, and teach the child to have his/her own convictions. Teach the child to think, reason, and to develop his/her own testimony of the gospel. Children build on "the rock" or the island, will not crumble away in the winds of adversity. They may waver, falter, and make some plain bad choices, but they'll come back to the rock. This is my hope, my prayer, and my conviction.
Post a Comment